Monty CyberPython and the Holy Matrix
by SubZeroGreymon
Summary: Welcome to the first parody of 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail' with Transformers! ... well, second if you count 'Maxi Predacon'... look, can you please review?
1. Chapter 1

To my readers...

I have decided to write ANOTHER parody of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, except with Transformers. Now read, as the Autobots HURT themselves trying to find a great and powerful artifact, and follow their journey...

_

* * *

On the distant planet of Cybertron, lived a race of beings unlike any other in the universe. They were the dream, the creations of the great and powerful Primus, and the last line of defense on Cybertron, capable of changing their shape to fit any environment. They are... the Go-Bots!_

**We apologize for that narration. Those responsible have been sacked.**

_On the distant planet of Cybertron, lived a race of beings unlike any other in the universe. They were the dream, the creations of the great and powerful Primus, and the last line of defense on Cybertron, capable of changing their shape to fit any environment. They are... the Transformers!_

_and they SUCK!_

**We apologize for THAT narration. Those responsible for sacking the guys who have just been sacked (_GASP_) have been sacked.**

* * *

One early morning, when the fog hadn't died yet, Mirage was busy reading the newspaper, when a trotting noise is heard.

"Huh? What IS that trotting noise?" Mirage said to himself, as he looked around for the source.

He notices something moving in the fog...

A mech appears, in vehicle mode, rolling along. Following him is another, smaller mech, also in vehicle mode, with the exception of his arms, which seem to be clapping something together. Mirage examines them, then takes standard guard procedure.

"Halt! Who goes there?" Mirage yelled, as the mechs stopped and transformed into their robot modes.

The head mech, a larger, more imposing mech with a faceplate and antennae sticking out of his head, steps forward and responded by yelling, "It is I, Optimus, son of Sentinel Prime, from the castle of Camelot. Leader of the Autobots, defeater of the Quintessons, sovereign of all Cybertron!"

"Who is this Optimus chap?" Mirage yelled.

"I am, and this is my trusty servant, Patsy."

The smaller mech said to his larger ally, "Ironhide."

"We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of Autobots who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master." 'Optimus Prime' yelled.

"What, ridden on a horse?" Mirage asked, having seen them in vehicle modes.

"Yep." Optimus responded.

"You're using coconuts!" Mirage yelled, getting a good look at what Ironhide was holding, and putting two and two together.

"What?"

"You've got two empty 'alves of coconuts and you're bangin' 'em together!" Mirage explained, thinking about quitting sooner or later.

"So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land. Through the kingdom of Kaon, through..."

"Where'd you get the coconuts?" Mirage asked, the question scratching the back of his mind.

Optimus, somewhat taken aback, yelled, "We found them."

"Found them? on Cybertron? The coconut's earth-bound!"

"What do you mean?"

"It's not NATIVE!" Mirage yelled, thinking more then usual.

Optimus then responded with, "The swallow may be Earth-bound, yet you see them all the time, since the Second Migration back to Cybertron from Earth. So what if a Coconut is found on Cybertron? It's not like it's unnatural or anything..."

"... What? Are you saying coconuts migrate or something?"

"No!" Optimus yelled, "They could be carried."

"What?" Mirage yelled, "A swallow? carrying a coconut?"

"It could grip it by the husk!"

"It's not a question of where he grips it!" Mirage explained, "It's a simple question of weight ratios. A five-ounce bird could not carry a one-pound coconut!"

Optimus, now exasperated, yelled, "Like it freaking matters! Will you go and tell your master that Optimus Prime from the court of Camelot is here!"

Mirage thinks a little, then yells, "Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?"

"Please!"

"Am I right?"

"I don't care!"

Tracks then took the moment to butt in, yelling that, "It could be carried by an African swallow!"

"Oh, yeah, an African swallow, maybe, but not a European swallow, that's my point." Mirage said to him.

"Oh, yeah, I agree with that."

"Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot?!?!" Optimus yelled.

"But then of course, African swallows are non-migratory." Mirage said,

"Oh yeah... So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway." Tracks responded.

Ironhide and Optimus give up and drive away, Ironhide clapping the coconuts to make the sound of horse trotting.

"Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows carried it together?" Tracks said.

"Nooo..... They'd have to have it on a line..." Mirage responded.

"Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper!"

"What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?"

"Well, why not?"

* * *

as A cart passes through the muddy road through a village, sparklings cry, Decepticons wrestle in the mud, A femme (Soundwave in Drag) beats a cat (Ravage).

The cart-master, Decepticon Blackout, chants wearily as they trudge along:

"Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead!"

As each Decepticon comes forward with his or her dead relative, they throw them on  
the cart. He holds out his hand and they pay.

"Bring out your dead!"

Starscream comes out with a dead-looking Megatron in a nightshirst slung over his  
shoulder. He starts to put Megatron on the cart.

Starscream then turns to Blackout and said, "Here's one."

"Ninepence." Blackout said, not caring at all.

"Wait..." A feeble voice speaks.

"What?" Blackout said, surprised.

"Nothing!" Starscream responded, "Here's your ninepence..."

"I still function!" Megatron said, weakly.

"Hey!" Blackout yelled in realization, "He says he's still functioning! He's not dead!"

"Yes he is." Starscream said.

"I'm not!" Megatron responded.

"He isn't." Blackout reassured Starscream.

"Well... he will be soon-- he's got Cosmic Rust." Starscream said.

"I'm getting better!"

"No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment."

"I can't take 'im like that!" Blackout said, stern. "It's against regulations!"

"I won't go on the cart..." Megatron protested.

"Oh, don't be such a baby." Starscream said to Megs."

"I can't take him..." Blackout said again.

"I feel fine!" Megatron added.

"Well, do us a favor..." Starscream pleaded.

"I can't!"

"Can you hang around a couple of minutes?" Starscream insisted, "He won't be long..."

"No, gotta get to The Predacons," Blackout said, "they lost Waspinator again today."

"Well, when's your next round?"

"Thursday."

Megatron ranted, "I will eliminate the Autobots! I am INVINCIBLE!"

"You're not fooling anyone, you know!" Starscream yelled at Megatron, then turned to Blackout. "Look, isn't there something you can do...?"

They both look around, then Blackout deals Megatron a swift blow to the head with his wooden  
spoon. Megatron goes limp.

"Ah." Starscream said. "thanks very much."

"Not at all. See you on Thursday!"

"Right! All right...."

Optimus Prime and Ironhide ride through the town and past the Decepticons.

"Who the slag is that then?" Starscream asked.

"I don't know. Must be an Autobot." Blackout said.

"How can YOU tell?"

"He hasn't got shit all over him."

* * *

Me: Yo! The Author here. Welcome to the Author's commentary, where I-

(The Door is busted down.)

Megatron: I got killed off!

Optimus: Nobody recognized me!

Ironhide: I was reduced to a follower!

Soundwave: I was a WOMAN!

Ravage: and I was being hurt by him!

Me: Please Review to tell me what you think! GAH!! NOT THERE!


	2. Chapter 2

Optimus Prime and his trusty servant, Patsy, ride into a field where Cybertronians are working. They come up behind a cart which is being dragged by a hunched-over Autobot in ragged clothing. Patsy slows as they near the cart.

Prime yelled to the Autobot, "Old Femme!"

"Mech!" The Autobot yelled, revealing himself to be in fact male.

"Mech, sorry..." Optimus apologized, "What knight lives in that castle over there?"

"I'm thirty-seven!"

"What?"

"I'm thirty-seven!" The mech said, "I'm not old."

"Well I can't just call you 'mech'..."

"Well you could say 'Smokescreen'."

"I didn't know you were called Smokescreen!" Optimus said.

"Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?"

"Well, I did say sorry about the "old woman", but from behind, you looked--"

"Well, let's see what else you're doing ... automatically treating me like an inferior!"

"Well, I am Leader of the Autobots. A king, if you prefer that."

" Oh, king, eh, very nice. And how'd you get that, eh?" Smokescreen asked, dropping the cart. " By exploiting the workers! By hangin' on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. If there's ever going to be any progress,--"

Suddenly, Silverstreak (Again in drag), runs by.

"Smokescreen!" Silverstreak yelled, "There's some lovely junk down here!" He then noticed Optimus and yelled, "Oh! How'd'ja do?"

"How do you do, good lady." Optimus said, kindly, "I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots. Whose castle is that?"

"King of the What??" Silverstreak asked, confused.

"Autobots."

"Who are the Autobots?"

"Well we all are! We are all Autobots! And I am your leader."

"I didn't know we had a leader! or we were called, 'Otto Bots.' I thought we were autonomous collective called the 'Cybertrons.'"

"You're fooling yourself!" Smokescreen yelled, "We're living in a dictatorship! A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--"

"There you go, bringing class into it again..."

"That's what it's all about! If only people would--"

"Please, please, good people, I am in haste!" Optimus interrupted, "WHO lives in that castle?"

"Old man Jhiaxus. He's insane, so we locked him up in there."

"Then who is your local operation director?"

"We don't have one!"

"What??" Optimus yelled, flabbergasted.

"I told you!" Smokescreen said, "We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune! We're taking turns to act as a sort of executive-officer-for-the-week--"

Optimus, uninterested, said, "Yes..."

"But all the decisions of that officer 'ave to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting."

"Yes I see!"

"By a simple majority, in the case of purely internal affairs--"

"Could you please be quiet!"

"But by a two-thirds majority, in the case of more major--"

"BE QUIET! I *order* you to be quiet!"

"'Order', eh, Who does he think he is?" Silverstreak asked.

"I am Optimus Prime! Heir to the throne of Primes! A KING!"

"Well I didn't vote for you!"

"You don't vote for who's the Prime!"

"Well, how'd you become Prime then? What ARE Primes, anyway?"

"Allow me to explain... Long ago, 13 transformers roamed Cybertron. These were known as the Primes. They led their creation through eras of peace and justice. I am their last descendent, Heir to the Autobot Matrix of Leadership. THAT is why I am your king!"

Smokescreen laughed, saying, "Listen: Old theories of our ancestors and Donuts with Handles are no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some... farcical crystal-ball-passing ceremony!"

"QUIET!"

"You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some guy threw a disco ball at you!!"

"Shut UP!"

"I mean, if I went 'round, saying I was an emperor, just because some giant, planet-eating freak had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!"

"Shut up, will you, SHUT UP!" Optimus yelled, throwing Smokescreen around.

"Aha! Now we see the violence inherent in the system!" Smokescreen yelled, seemingly satisfied.

"SHUT THE **** UP!"

"Come and see the violence inherent in the system!" Smokescreen yelled, "HELP, HELP, I'M BEING REPRESSED!"

"Prime, let 'im go!" Ironhi - er... Patsy yelled. Prime let him go. Smokescreen looked up at the mech walking away.

"Bloody PEASANT!" Prime yelled, to himself.

"Oh, what a giveaway! Did'j'hear that, did'j'hear that, eh?" Smokescreen yelled, "That's what I'm all about! Did you see 'im repressing me? You saw it, didn't you?!"

* * *

"I tell you, if one of your inferiors decides not to obey you, it's like you aren't leader at all." Optimus said to Ironhid- er... Patsy.

"Eh. He probably doesn't even know what he was talking about."

the two ride around until... they saw it.

A fight between two Decepticons. Both of them were armed to the teeth. One of them, Waspinator had an Insectoid Alternate mode, maybe a wasp or a bee, and the other was a seeker, Skywarp, clad in black armor.

"Die, Jet-bot!" Waspinator yelled, swinging a sword at Skywarp, who dodged and transformed his left wing into a sword.

"You first, Bug Face!" Skywarp yelled, striking Waspinator in a very sensitive area.

"HURK!"

"YAHHH!"

"Die!!!"

Skywarp finally manages to land a blow to Waspinator's head, which falls off.

Skywarp looks around, then notices our heroes walking up to him.

"You fight with the strength of many men, sir knight." Optimus said.

"Who the frag are you?" Skywarp asked.

"I am Optimus Prime, Leader of the Autobots."

Skywarp stares at his new opponent, then asks, "What're you doing in my realm?"

"I seek the finest and the bravest knights in the land to join me at my court at Camelot. You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me?"

"Slag no."

"You make me sad. So be it! Come, Patsy!" Optimus attempts to walk past Skywarp.

"You shall NOT PASS!"

"I have no quarrel with you, good sir knight, but I must cross this bridge."

"Then, you shall die. I shall kill you, you shall be eliminated, I shall triumph once more, and I shall ask, Why I keep saying shall."

"..." Optimus looks at him, then yells, "I command you, as Leader of the Autobots, to stand aside!"

"This is my realm. I move for NO MAN."

"SO BE IT!" Optimus yells, deploying a laser axe.

A short battle ensues, where Optimus, relatively unencumbered by his lighter, yet stronger armor, easily dodges the slow and heavy strikes by Skywarp. Finally, Optimus dodges a strike, steps aside, and cuts Skywarp's left arm off with his axe. Blood spurts from the Decepticon's open shoulder.

"NOW, stand aside," Optimus said, confident.

"'Tis but a scratch." Skywarp said.

"You're unarmed."

"No, I'm not. I still have my sword."

"Look!"

Skywarp notices his now-chopped off arm.

"Oh, so you meant unarmed, literally." Skywarp said, then looked at Optimus. "I've had worst."

"You lie! YOU LIIIIIIIIEEEEE!"

"Quit referencing Invader Zim and fight!" Skywarp yelled, charging at Optimus... to have ANOTHER arm slashed off.

"Victory is mine." Optimus said... before Skywarp kicked him.

"Come on, then!"

"What?"

"Have at you!"

"Bravery. Something to be admired."

"Die already!"

"Look, you stupid fragger, you've got no arms left!"

"Yes I 'ave!"

"LOOK!"

"It's just a flesh wound."

"How could it be a flesh wound? We don't even have flesh!"

"Hi-Ya!"

"Look, I'll have your leg."

Skywarp kicks again.

"RIGHT!" Optimus yelled, slashing off the leg that was about to kick him.

"RIGHT! I'll do you for that!" Skywarp yelled.

"You'll WHAT?"

"Come here!"

"Whadaya gonna do, BLEED on me?"

"I'm INVINCIBLE!"

"You're a lunatic, y'know."

"The Black Jet ALWAYS triumphs! Have at you!"

Optimus shrugs his shoulders and, with a mighty swing, removes Skywarp's last limb. Skywarp falls to the ground. He looks about, realizing he can't move.

"We'll call it a draw." Optimus said. "Come, Patsy!"

As they drive away, Skywarp looks on, then yells, "COWARD!" before falling on the ground.

"... hey, could, uh, somebody give me a hand?" Skywarp asked, as he noticed something coming up to him. He looks up, to a great, flaming being...

* * *

Me: Yo! The Author here. Welcome back another edition of the Author's commentary, where I-

(The Door is busted down again.)

Me: NOT AGAIN!

Skywarp: I got hacked and mangled

Optimus: Nobody followed me!

Ironhide: I did.

Optimus: You don't count!

Silverstreak: I was a WOMAN!

Smokescreen: and I was married to him!

Me: Well, allow me to explain. This: My Story. You: My Victims. I could do with you as I please.

Megatron: Let's hurt him.

Me: SHIT!


	3. Chapter 3

A chanting could be heard from the tiny village.

_"Pie Iesu domine..."_

As we zoom into the scene, it becomes clear that a bunch of monks with wooden boards are the chanters.  
_  
"... dona eis requiemm."_

The monks then hit themselves with said boards.  
_  
"Pie Iesu domine..."_

**THWACK!**

_"... dona eis requiemm."_

**THWACK!**

_"Pie Iesu domine..."_

**THWACK!**

_"... dona eis requiemm."_

**THWACK!**

Suddenly, new voices are heard.

"A Witch! I found a witch!"

"A witch! A witch! We've got ourselves a witch!"

Prowl is busy explaining to a sparkling the finer points of car-based alt. modes, when a crowd suddenly runs in.

"What goes on here?" Prowl asked.

One mech, Liftor the Forklift, walks up and yells, "We have found a witch inside our territory, may we burn her?"

"How do you know she's a witch?"

"She looks like *BAM* one." Warpath yelled.

"Send her forward." Prowl asked, as the Decepticon Blackarachnia is shoved on stage.

"I'm not a witch!" She yells.

"You look like one." Prowl observes.

"They dressed me up like this!"

"Oh, you did?" Prowl asked the crowd.

The crowd gasped, then said, "NO!"

a few moments before Liftor said, "Well... we DID do the nose."

Prowl then said, "The nose?"

"... and the hat. But she is a witch!"

Seaspray chimed in by yelling, "I should know! She turned me into a tiny little human and forced me to mate with another guy, then posted the pictures on DeviantART!"

" A human?"

"... I got better..."

Warpath then yelled, "Burn Her Anyway!"

The crowd started yelling again as Optimus and Patsy/Ironhide arrived. They stayed at a distance to watch what was going to happen.

"Okay, let's think logically here," Prowl said. "What do you do with witches?"

"WE BURN WITCHES!!!" Liftor yelled.

"And what ELSE do you burn?"

"MORE WITCHES!"

Everyone turned to him, then Seaspray yelled, "Wood!"

"Yeah. So, what are witches made of?"

The crowd was silent again.  
_  
Primus, I am dealing with morons..._, Prowl thought.

"Wood?" someone said.

"Yes, so, how can you tell she is a witch?"

More silence, and Prowl was getting impatient.

"What does wood do in water?" he asked.

"It floats!" someone said.

"So, if she's made of wood, she would float!" Prowl said.

"THROW HER INTO THE POND!"

"WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! Now, what also floats in water?"

"Rocks!"

"Churches!"

"Lead!"

"Gravy!"

"Fish Heads!"

"Unicron!"

"A duck." Optimus then said.

"Yep, he's right," Prowl said.

"So, if she weighs the same as a duck, then she would be made of wood!" someone said.

"And therefore..." Prowl said.

The crowd looked at each other, before one guy yelled, "A WITCH!"

"Come on," Prowl said, bringing them over to a large scale.

On one end of the scale was Blackarachnia. On the other end, was a duck. She would've weighed more than the duck, if someone didn't tie weights to the duck's feet.

"A WITCH!" everyone screamed when the weighing was done.

"This was an unfair trial," Blackarachnia said as she was being led away by the crowd.

Prowl walked up to the man that yelled 'Duck', and asked, "Who are you, whom is an expert in the ways of science?"

Optimus then said, "I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots."

Prowl said, "My liege!" before getting on her knees and saying, "I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy!"

He regained his composure and then said, "What brings you to this humble village?"

"I want you to join my knights of the Pentagonic table!"

"Why Pentagonic?"

"My carvers have NO idea how to make a round one.."

"Oh, well, fine."

"What's your name?"

"Prowl, your highness."

"Then I dub you," Optimus said, pulling out her sword. "Sir Prowl, knight of the Pentagonic table."

"Why don't you just say it's a round table?"

"Good Point."  


* * *

Prowl was the first knight of the Round Table. He wouldn't be the last. More joined in as time went on.

Sir Jazz, the Brave,

Sir Bumblebee, the Pure,

Sir Ratchet, The Healer,

Sir Cliffjumper, The Cautious.

And Sir Grimlock, the 'Smarty Pants'.

And the lesser known Sir Not-Appearing-in-this-fic.

And they would be known throughout the centuries as the Knights of the Round Table.  


* * *

LATER...

"and THAT, my liege, is how we know that the moon is bannana-shaped." Prowl said.

"Me Grimlock still kinda confused."

"Wow, this Prowl dude sure is smart, Beeman."

"Yeah, I know, Jazz."

"Look, my liege!" Cliffjumper yelled, as they noticed it. It was a grand castle of purity of spirt.

"It's Camelot!" Optimus yelled.

"It's amazing!" Jazz yelled.

"It's beautiful!" Bumblebee yelled.

"It's only a model." Ironhide/Patsy said.

"SHH!"

"Autobots, Welcome..." Optimus said, "to your new home. Let us ride...to ... CAMELOT!"

The song began playing, as a trio of Autobots of Prowl's Design began singing...

(Cue the cheesy music and the stupid tap dancing knights)

KNIGHTS: [singing]  
We're Knights of the Round Table.  
We dance whene'er we're able.  
We do routines and chorus scenes  
With footwork impeccable.  
We dine well here in Camelot.  
We eat ham and jam and spam a lot.

[dancing]  
We're Knights of the Square Table.  
Our shows are formidable,  
But many times we're given rhymes  
That are quite unsingable.  
We're opera mad in Camelot.  
We sing from the diaphragm a lot.

[meanwhile, in dungeon]  
WASPINATOR: [clap clap clap clap]  
[in medieval hall]  
KNIGHTS: [tap-dancing]

In war we're tough and able, (One of them steps on Ravage)  
Quite indefatigable.  
Between our quests we sequin vests and impersonate Clark Gable.  
It's a busy life in Camelot.

MICROMASTER: (In a bass solo) I have to push the pram a lot.

Our heroes ran out.

"On second thought, lets not go to Camelot. Those guys freak me out!!" Optimus exclaimed.

"Why don't we just get a bite to eat?" Bumblebee suggested.

"Right!"

"Good!"

"Me Grimlock!"

"We KNOW that."  


* * *

Riding into a nearby town, they entered a local restaurant. Sitting down at an empty table, they look over their menus.

"Hey, Prime?"

"Yeah, Bumblebee?"

"I think the guy that made this menu was obsessed with the word 'Spam'."

"What?"

"Well, there's Egg and spam, Egg, bacon and spam, Egg, bacon, sausage and spam, Spam, bacon, sausage and spam, Spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam, Spam, sausage, spam, spam, spam, bacon, spam tomato and spam, Spam, spam, spam, egg and spam, Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam. and also, Lobster Thermidor aux crevettes with a mornay sauce served in a provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and a fried egg on top and spam."

"Waitress?"

A waitress, Thundercracker in drag and a wig, walks up. "How may I serve you today?"

"Have you got anything without spam?" Bumblebee asked.

"Well, the spam, eggs, sausage and spam. That's not got much spam in it"

"I don't want any spam!"

"Why can't she have eggs, bacon, spam and sausage?" Jazz asked Bumblebee.

"That's got spam in it!"

"Hasn't got much spam in it as spam, eggs, sausage and spam has it?"

"Could you do me eggs, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam, then?"

Thundercracker made an 'Iiiiiiiiiiiich' sound.

"What do you mean 'Iiiiiiiiiich'? I don't like spam! It's stupid!"

Then, suddenly, a bunch of Decepticons began singing.

Decepticons: Spam, Spam, Spam Spam, SPAMMY SPAAAAM! Wonderful spam!

Thundercracker (to Decepticons):  
Shut up! Shut Up! Bloody D-Vikings!

They shut up.

"You can't have egg, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam." Thundercracker said.

"I don't like spam!"

"Shush, Beeman, don't have a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it, I'm having spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam, and spam!"

"Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!" The Decepticons began to sing.

"Shut Up!!" Thundercracker yelled. He then looked at Jazz and said, "Baked beans are off."

"Well, could I have his spam instead of the baked beans then?"

"You mean spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam and spam?"

Decepticons: Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!

Our heroes then exited the restaurant.

"Never go to THAT cafe again." Optimus said.

* * *

Me: Yo! The Author here. Welcome back to yet **another** edition of the Author's commentary, where I... forgot what I was doing. Ah well.


	4. Chapter 4

The Knights of the Round Table were now galloping over a hill, when there was thunder.

"Optimus, Optimus! Leader of the Autobots!"

Using the cheap special effects, the clouds opened up like a sliding glass door to reveal…

"PRIMUS!!!!" Ratchet gasped.

Everyone bowed down to the Great, Glorious God.

"Don't bow to me, I can't stand it!" Primus said.

"Sorry, dude."

"DON'T APOLOGIZE! Everytime I try to communicate with you mortals, it's 'Sorry' this, 'Forgive me' that, and 'I'm not worthy.'"

Everyone got up and shielded their eyes from him.

"Stop shielding your eyes!" Primus said.

"But, we'd be blinded if we looked at your unmatched beauty!" Prowl said.

They looked anyway.

"Okay, now, Optimus Prime, and the Knights of the Round-ish Table. I have a quest for you! You must seek for me, the Holy Matrix!"

Primus's face was replaced by a picture of the Holy Matrix.

"That's it?! It looks like the Matrix of Leadership Optimus has!!" Bumblebee said.

"SILENCE! They're two different things! Now, go forth, and seek the Holy Matrix!" Primus commanded.

The clouds then shut, on Primus's fingers.

"OW!" The doors opened a tiny bit, and after he moved his fingers, they closed again.

"A Blessing from the Lord!" Jazz yelled.

"Yeah, a Quest. That's a Blessing!" Bumblebee said.

"Shut up, Rattrap."

"That's Bumblebee."

"Whatever."

The Knights of the Round Table then rode off to seek the Holy Matrix.

* * *

Eventually, They came across a Castle

"HELLO???" Optimus called out. "Is there anyone up there??"

"Allo!! Who is there??" said Sideswipe, with a French accent.

"Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots. Who is the leader of this castle??" Optimus asked.

"Ultra Magnus-san!" Sideswipe replied.

"Go and ask him if he will provide us with food and shelter tonight, and if he does, he can join us on our quest for the HOLY MATRIX!!!!"

"Sorry, but I think we already have one!!"

"What???"

"I believe he said that they already have one, yo." Jazz said.

"I know what he said!!!" Optimus said. "Will you show us the Holy Matrix that you have inside your castle??"

"NO, OF COURSE NOT!!!!!" Sideswipe replied.

"Well why not??"

"We don't allow Autobots to enter!!!"

"Well what are you then? A Decepticon?"

"I'M FRENCH!!! Why do you think I have this accent?!"

"What the slag are you doing in Cybertron then???" Bumblebee asked.

"MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!!!!!"

"Well," Optimus said, "If you don't show us the Matrix, then we will have to take this castle by force."

"You don't frighten us, Autobot pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottom, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Optymoose Pryme, you and all your silly Autobots k-nnnnniggets. Thpppppt! Thppt! Thppt!" Sideswipe said. He was tapping his helmet with his hands and making faces at them.

"What a crazy bot!!!" Bumblebee exclaimed.

"I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"

They all looked at him with blank faces.

"What is he talking about?" Cliffjumper whispered to Grimlock.

"Me Grimlock dunno."

"Umm excuse me crazy dude, isn't there anyone else we can talk to??" Bumblebee said.

"NO!!" Sideswipe screamed back. Sides turned to the other guys (Mirage and Tracks) hiding behind the wall. "Fetchez la vache"

"What??" Mirage asked.

"Fetchez la vache!!"

"Eh?" Tracks asked.

"GET THE SLAGGIN' COWS!!!!"

"Ohh……" they replied. The French guys went and got the cows. They put the cows in a catapult and launched them over the castle wall. The cow fell and landed on top of one unlucky, miscellaneous 'Bot (Let's just say it's Waspinator).

"CHARGE!!!" Prime yelled out.

With that, the Knights of the Round Table ran towards the castle with their weapons drawn. Various species of animals and birds bombarded them, all the while, the French taunting them.

"We are overrun with all this livestock!!!!!" Cliffjumper cried out in fear.

"Autobots, Fall Back!!!" Optimus screamed to them. The Autobots ran away, except for Jazz, who had to be dragged away.

They ran down the hill and laid on the ground.

"I ain't done with them!!!!!" Jazz cried out angrily.

"Wait, wait" Grimlock said. "Me Grimlock have plan."

A little while later, Sunstreaker was keeping lookout when he heard lots of odd noises coming from the woods. There was some chopping, and sawing, and then there was a cat squealing in pain, and finally a chainsaw. Then something large came rolling out of the woods. It was a giant wooden fish. Sunstreaker was very curious and he summoned his comrades and they went down the castle doors.

"What is it??" Sideswipe asked.

"A big fish!" Tracks said.

"Hmm, I wonder who brought it…oh well. Lets bring it inside."

Meanwhile, the Autobots were on the hill's ridge, watching.

"Ok, now tell me, Grimlock, how is this going to work again?"

"Well, Red Bot, DJ Bot and Me Grimlock wait until nightfall, then jump out the fish and take the French by surprise!!!"

"Umm, tell me again, who is jumping out of the fish??"

"Uhh, Cliff, Jazz, Grimlock. Why?"

They all gave each other looks that said, "how stupid can he get?"

Just then, the fish came hurling over the castle wall and it hit that same unlucky, miscellaneous cybertronian that had previously been sacked by the cow.

"AHHHHH!!! RUN AWAY!!!" Optimus cried out and the Knights retreated.

* * *

"Action!" the director said, as a famous historian, Optimus Primal, cleared his throat.

"Defeat at the castle seems to have utterly disheartened Optimus Prime. The ferocity of the French taunting took him completely by surprise, and Optimus became convinced that a new strategy was required if the quest for the Holy Matrix were to be brought to a successful conclusion. Optimus, having consulted his closest knights, decided that they should separate and search for the Matrix individually."

A sound of something coming towards him was heard.

"Now this is what they did: Jazz-"

"HAHAHAHAHAHHAAAA!!!"

Optimus Primal turned to his left to see a Seeker, in Jet Mode, heading towards him.

"…SubZero, I hate you…"

Said Seeker slashed Primal in the neck with his wing, killing him. He then flew off, laughing maniacally.

"Optimus!"

Optimus's wife, Mrs. Primal, came running over to her dead husband.

* * *

Me: Yo! The Author here. Welcome to the Author's commentary. So, Starscream, whadaya think?

Starscream: Was that seeker me?

Me: Yep.

Starscream: ... I like this part!

(Megatron busts in.)

Megatron: STARSCREAM!!!

Me: RUN, FAT BOY! RUN!

(Chaos ensues.)

Me: Please R&R! We need your support! And also, we will be accepting Female Fan Characters for Castle Anthrax!


	5. Chapter 5

* * *

_The Heroic Tale of Cliffjumper_

* * *

So the Autobots went their separate ways to seek the Grail. Cliffjumper rode north to the forest of Ewing. Of course, his favorite minstrels were accompanying him. The lead singer was Brawn.

"Bravely bold Cliffjumper rode forth from Camelot," Brawn sang.

"He was not afraid to die, O brave Cliffjumper.

He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,

Brave, brave, brave, brave Cliffjumper!

He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp,

Or to have his optics gouged out and his elbows broken,

To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away

And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Cliffjumper!

His head smashed in and his spark cut out

And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged

And his nostrils ripped and his skidplate burned off

And his interface--"

"Umm, that's enough singing for now! Look, there is danger ahead!!!!"

And sure enough there was. They came across a huge two headed monster (RID Megatron in Dragon mode).

"Halt!!!!!" RID Megs cried out. "Who are you???"

"He is brave Cliffjumper" Brawn sang.

"SHUT UP!!! Umm, I-I'm n-n-nobody really. J-just passing t-through."

"I don't buy that!!" The head shouted.

"Oh allright, I'm actually a Knight of the Round Table, Mr. Two-Head."

"A Knight of the Square Table?"

"Yes."

"Well then I guess that we will have to kill you!!"

The heads began arguing.

"Shall I cut off his head??"

"No I shall!!"

"Just let me cut his head off!!!"

"Why don't I cut your head off??"

"Well, I'd do that to you! I hate you!!!"

"Well I hate you too! And you have really bad breath!!"

"That's only because I don't brush my teeth!"

"Hey I'm hungry you guys! Let's have tea!"

"Tea?? At a time like this! We have to kill the Knight!!"

"Well lets kill him and then have tea"

"Ok."

When they looked down, Cliffjumper and his minstrels were gone.

"He buggered off!"

"Maybe being a dragon wasn't a good idea."

"Megatron, MEGABAT MODE!"

"Why MegaBat? Why not MegaJet?"

"SHUT UP!"

"Brave Cliffjumper ran away." Brawn sang out as they galloped through the woods.

"NO I DIDN'T!!!"

"Bravely ran away, away."

"NO!!"

"When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled."

"I DID NO SUCH THING!"

"Yes, brave Cliffjumper turned about."

"I DIDN'T!!"

"And gallantly, he chickened out. Bravely taking to his feet-"

"NO!!! I DIDN'T!!"

"He beat a very brave retreat."

"YOU'RE LYING!!"

"Bravest of the brave, Cliffjumper."

"I HATE YOU, AUTHOR!!!!"

* * *

Me: Tsk Tsk TSK! That will invoke the powers of Karma.

* * *

_Bumblebee and the Castle Antrax_

* * *

It was raining and thundering, and Bumblebee was running through the woods. He had lost his men, so he was on his own.

As he climbed up over the hill, he saw a castle, and above it was a picture of the Holy Matrix, glowing.

"So, da stupid Matrix is in dere?!"

Rattrap sighed, and went running towards the castle. He went up to the door and pounded on it.

"YO! ANYBODY! OPEN THE SLAGGIN' DOOR!"

Nobody answered.

"IN THE NAME OF OPTIMUS PRIME AND KING MEGADORK, OPEN THE DOOR!"

The door opened, and he fell in. The door closed behind him as he looked at it.

"Hello," a sweet voice said.

He looked up to see many femme Cybertronians, looking at him. The leader was standing in front of him, with a soft smile.

"Welcome, Sir Knight! Welcome to the Castle Anthrax!" Elita-1 said.

"Anthrax?"

"I know, the name sucks… So, anyway, we can give you shelter for the night."

"Uh... I... uh... can't..."

"It's okay, we can handle it …Midget, Crapper!" she yelled.

Two young female Autobots walked over to her. "Yes, Elita?"

"Make our guest a bed."

"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, tha-"

'Elita' chased them off with a stick, and walked back over to Bumblebee, helping him up.

"You will be able to sleep nice," she said.

"... so... where's the Matrix Rip-Off?"

"The what?"

"I saw it over the castle."

"Oh, you must be very tired," Elita said, dragging him to a bedroom. "Hey, you're wounded …you must see our doctors!"

She helped Bumblebee lay on the bed, and clapped her hands. Two young women came walking over.

"Yes?" one asked. "What seems to be the trouble?"

"They're doctors?" Bumblebee asked.

"Well, they had a basic medical training…" Elita said.

"Well, I don't need them now..."

The two girls began to look at the wound, which was on the upper part of his thigh. They began to examine him. He tries to get them away, since the situation was kind of awkward.

"I... gotta go!" Bumblebee yelled, before running out.

"I seek the Holy Matrix," he repeated over and over in a monotone voice. "Not fine femmes... right NOW, anyway."

He runs through these curtains, and into a room full with dozens and dozens of femmes.

His jaws drops, and he drops his shield and sword. The women come walking over to him, saying "hello."

"Oh Primus. I'm doomed."

Just then, he bumped into a femme. The femme looked back at them. Their eyes lock in a trance.

"Hi." he said with a smile.

"Hi." She replied. "My name's Arcee."

"Bumblebee."

"Charmed. What're you here for?"

"The Holy Matrix is in here. I'm here to retrieve it. I saw it!"

"Oh, no!" Arcee said. "Roulette is at it again!"

"What?!"

"I'm afraid you have been fooled! She must've lighted up our beacon again, which I remember, is Matrix shaped."

"…Oh, that sucks…"

"Bad Roulette!" Arcee looks at the camera. "Do you think this scene should be cut? I wasn't sure when the author wanted to write this, but, now I am happy!"

* * *

"At least mine was better visually," RID Megatron said.

Silverstreak and Smokescreen are too busy fighting to say anything.

"Logic dictates you should continue the scene." Shockwave said.

"Yes, get on with it!" the Enchanter yells.

"YES, GET ON WITH IT!" the army of knights yell.

"SLAG YEAH!" Rattrap said.

"SHUT UP RATTRAP!" Primus yells from the clouds.

* * *

Arcee rolls her eyes, and she leads Bumblebee back to the room with the femmes.

"Bad Roulette… I will have to report her antics to Elita-1," Arcee said, "Because of what Roulette did, she must be punished!"

Bumblebee raises an eyebrow. "Really? How?"

"First, you must tie her to the bed," Arcee said as Bumblebee's eyes grew wider. "And spank her!"

"Yes!" the femmes chanted.

"After, do what you please with her, and … after that, spank Elita!"

"YEAH!"

"AND ME!"

"ME TOO!"

"ME ME ME ME ME!!" All of the femmes chanted.

"And after the spanking, Roulette must be interfaced."

"INTERFACED?" Bumblebee yelled.

"Well, if it helps, I could help you escape after."

"Well, I guess I could stay for a while..." he said.

Just then, Ratchet, Jazz, Ironhide, and a couple other Autobots come charging in. Jazz grabs Bumblebee away from the group, and begins to drag him away from the femmes. Arcee, seeing a chance, runs with them.

"LET ME GO, YOU STUPID RAP-ARTIST!!"

"Once this is over, I'm going to take you back here." Jazz said.

"NO! LET HIM STAY!" A femme cried.

"I can take them all on!" Bumblebee said.

"No, you can't!" Jazz said, dragging the yellow 'bot to the door.

"YES! HE CAN TAKE US!" the femmes cried.

The Knights (And Arcee) then walked right through the doors…well all but one was walking. Bumblebee had dug his fingers into the ground, but was still being dragged away. The doors shut.

"Oh, slag!" Elita yelled.

"WHY DID YOU TAKE ME FROM THERE?!" Bumblebee screamed at Jazz.

"Well, I heard about some guy going in there and never coming back. Skids, I think." Jazz said to him.

"If you were in my position, You would've LEAPED at the chance to get some action!"

"Well, yeah, but..."

They began walking towards the woods.

"Yeah right!"

"I did not!"

"No femmes? You must be gay."

"I AM NOT!"

(No offense to gay people. It was in Monty Python, so I had to write it.)

"Hey, Who's the femme?"

"Bumblebee's new squire," Arcee replied.

* * *

_The Tale of Sir JazHGHGFHeghg._

Me: HEY! (Goes outside and sees Combiners running around) STOP THAT!

They stop.

Me: Thank you.

_The Tale of Sir Jazz_

* * *

At a Swamp Castle...

"One day, lad, all this would be yours," Jetfire said to Prince Cheetor.

"What, the Curtains?" Prince Cheetor asked.

"What?! NO! All that you can see, stretched out over the hills and valleys of this land. That'll be your kingdom, lad."

"I don't even LIKE it here." Prince Cheetor said.

"Listen, lad: I built the Kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, all of this was swamp! King Megatron said it was dumb to build a castle in a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show him!!"

"What happened to it?"

"It sank into the swamp. SO, I built a second one, taking all design flaws from the first one, and eliminating them! That sank into the swamp. So I built a third one. That burned down, fell over, unleashed an ancient demon, **then** sank into the swamp. But the fourth one...stayed up. And that's what you're gonna get, lad: the strongest castle in these islands."

"Okay, first of all, why are you calling me 'Lad?' Second, I have other plans with my life."

"Like what?"

"Well..." Prince Cheetor then began to play music from his radio... only to be RUDELY interrupted by Jetfire hitting him on the head with his cane. "NO SINGING!"

Jetfire then said, "You're going to be married to Princess Airazor, and THAT'S FINAL!"

Jetfire walked out, saying to Silverbolt, who happened to be by the door with Hot Spot, "He is NOT to leave this room, until I come and get him."

"Not to leave the room, even if you come and get him." Silverbolt said.

"Until."

"Until what?"

"Don't let him out until I come to get him."

"Got it."

Jetfire began to leave, with Silverbolt and Hot Spot in tow. He turned to them and asked, "Where're you two going?"

"We're coming with you."

"I want you to stay here and make sure he doesn't leave."

"Prince Cheetor?"

"Yes, who were you thinking I was talking about?"

"I thought you meant my comrade here. I thought it was a bit daft to guard him when he's a guard."

Jetfire then whacked Silverbolt with his cane and left. The guards turned to each other, then to the prince, who looked out the window, as music began to play...

"NO SINGING!"

"Slag."

Cheetor then wrote a note and fired an arrow out of the building.

* * *

As Jazz and the others walked around, Bumblebee complained about not getting a break.

A whizzing noise was heard, followed by Mudflap getting speared in the chest.

"Message for you, sir." Mudflap said, as he fell to the ground.

"Mudflap!!" Jazz yelled. Noticing a note on the projectile, an arrow, he began to read, "'To whomever finds this, I have been imprisoned by a madman, and must marry against my will. Save me. I am in the tallest tower of Swamp Castle.' A quest! A damsel in distress! Oh, Mudflap, noble Mudflap, you shall not have died in vain, dude!"

"I ain't dead!" Mudflap yelled, getting up and yanking the arrow out of his chest.

"... Well, You wouldn't have been mortally wounded in vain."

"I'm okay, you know."

"Well... stay here and make sure no Decepticons followed us."

And with that, Jazz ran toward Swamp Castle. Mudflap, Bumblebee, Arcee, Ratchet, and the others watched him go, then shrugged and walked after him.

* * *

At the entrance of the Castle, two guards could see Jazz running towards the castle. Only... he wasn't going anywhere. The guards watched the running with sheer confusion. Then... Jazz appeared right in front of them. He stabbed one of the guards with his sword, while the other one just looked on as he ran off.

Jazz crashed right into the party. He began slashing any person that was in his path. Blood, er, Mech Fluid was spurting everywhere.

* * *

Jazz entered the room of the tallest tower. He stabbed Hot Spot, and as Silverbolt jabbered on about if the Prince could leave the room, he killed him too. He saw Prince Cheetor.

"Wait, Where's the femme?" he asked.

"You came to rescue me!" Prince Cheetor said, hugging Jazz.

"I am not below stabbing you, dude."

"Oh, sorry, but you got my note!" the Prince said, letting go of him.

"I... got **_A_** note." Jazz said.

"I knew it! I knew somewhere out there, *cue music* There was a special, someone..."

Jetfire came barging into the room, waving his arms. "Alright, stop that! Stop that!"

The music abruptly stopped again, and he looked at Jazz.

"Who the SLAG are you?" he asked.

"The Prince!"

"NOT YOU! THE OTHER GUY!"

"I, um, nobody. I found this note…" Jazz began to explain.

"He came to rescue me!" Prince Cheetor yelled.

"Quiet!" Jetfire ordered. "Where are you from?"

"Well, I was walking around with my fellow knights, when I got this note." Jazz explained.

"Are you a knight of the Round Table or something?"

"Er, yeah..."

"I've already made a rope!" Prince Cheetor said as he tied the rope of sheets to a bed post. The two bots ignored him as he flung it out the window and climbed out.

"Well, for one thing, I am not too pleased with you killing our guests, but, I am honored to see a Knight of the Round Table in my castle."

"I'm ready!" Prince Cheetor said, hanging on the rope just outside the window.

"Would you like to come have a drink?" Jetfire asked Jazz.

"I guess," Jazz said.

"I'M READY!" Prince Cheetor yelled.

Jazz just rolled his... visor, took out his sword, and sliced the rope. As the bots walked down the stairs, Prince Cheetor plunged to his death.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHhhh…_*thud*_."

* * *

As Jetfire led Jazz down the stairs, the guests were weeping over loss of some bots.

"THERE HE IS!" one cried angrily.

As they charged up at the twins, Jazz drew his sword and began slashing at them. Jetfire parted the two warring groups.

"Don't kill anymore," Jetfire said. "I forbid it."

"Slag."

"Oh well. Ladies and Gentleman, let's not get angry! We had a misunderstanding and some other slag." Jetfire said, "So, let's just get on with the ceremony. However, Prince Cheetor has plunged to his death."

"OH NO!" the crowd yelled.

"Anyway," Jetfire said. "Since Princess Airazor's father has been killed…"

" He's not dead!" Megatron yelled.

"…Since he were mortally wounded-"

"He might pull through!"

"…Fine, if for any reason, he should die-"

"Wait! He's dead!"

"…Then I will, as a substitution, marry Jazz and Airazor instead."

Both of them fainted dead away.

"Wait! He's alive!" someone yelled.

Prince Cheetor, as well as Mudflap, came walking into the room, all banged up, but still alive.

"HOW DID YOU LIVE?!" Jetfire asked.

"Well, I'll tell you…" Prince Bumblebee said.

The music begins to play, and the guests start singing.

"NO! NOT LIKE THAT! NOT LIKE THAT!" Jetfire yelled.

"Let's get out of here!" Mudflap said.

The group ran out of the castle, as Cheetor began to sing badly.

* * *

_Grimlock's Tale..._

* * *

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!" Energon Shockblast laughed maniacally.

"Me Grimlock want to know about Enchanter." Guess who said that.

"HHEEEEHAAAHHEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAA"

"Where does enchanter live?" Grimlock asked Shockblast.

"HAAAHAAAAAAAAAAHEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAA!!'

"WHERE DOES ENCHANTER LIVE?!"

"There is a cave….HAHAHEE….a cave which no man has ever entered!!!!"

"And Matrix? It there??"

"Beyond the cave lies the gorge of eternal torture!! For in this gorge lies all the teletubbies!!!"

"But what about Holy Matrix!???"

"Then go to the *cue scary music*….BRIDGE OF DEATH!!!"

"And this leads to Matrix????"

"WAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHEEEEHAAA!!"

With that, Shockblast disappeared and Grimlock found himselves sitting in front of a fire in the woods.

"... Me Grimlock have no idea what just happened."

* * *

Me: Yo! The Author here. Welcome to the Author's commentary.

Bumblebee: Are you ever gonna change that title?

Me: SHUDDUP!!


	6. Chapter 6

* * *

Jazz's group was walking in the woods. Arcee was shivering, despite the warm air. Bumblebee then asked, "What troubles you?"

Arcee responded by saying, "This place was in one of my many nightmares. The air was thick, the winds howled, and instead of a bird chirping or a dragon roaring, all I could hear was... that awful sound."

It wasn't long before they realized they were no longer alone. Arcee continued.

"That sound remains in my mind for all eternity."

"Hey, look, it's Optimus!" Jazz yelled, "And Prowl and Grimlock!"

The three run into the group.

"Report." Optimus said.

"We got nothing."

Just then...

"NI!!!"

"Ahhhh!!!!!!" Arcee fell backwards screaming.

"NI!"

"Who the heck are you??" Optimus asked as he turned around.

"We are the Knights who say… NI!!!!"

"You mean 'Those Idiots that prance around the forest in tights'?" Bumblebee asked.

"The same. We live within this forest, as the keepers of the sacred words: '_ni', 'peng'_ and _'nee-wom'_!""

Optimus then asked, "What do you want?"

"We want... A SHRUBBERY!"

"A Shrubbery? What good are those for?"

"NI!!"

"Ok, ok, we will bring you a shrubbery!!"

"Make sure it looks nice, and isn't too expensive!!"

"Ok, ok, we will make sure!"

"NOW GO!!!"  


* * *

Our heroes rode along until they reached a small town. They saw an old woman.

"HEY!" Soundwave in Drag screamed. "I'm not old!!! Or a woman! I am male, you-"

SHUT UP!!! You have to be an old hoagie!!

"Can't I at least be young???"

Do you want to die?

"Can I at least have better clothes??"

NO! Get on with the scene!!!

"Old woman!!" Optimus yelled out to her.

Soundwave looked up from his/her clothes. "What??"

"Do you know where we could find a shrubbery?"

Soundwave then defensively held up a battered Ravage and started swinging him at them. He/She wasn't very good at aiming and she rammed him into some walls and sharp objects.

"Who send you???" Soundwave demanded.

"Some idiots calling themselves, 'The Knights who say 'Ni''" Optimus replied.

"AGGGH!!! NO!! Never!! There are no shrubberies here!!"

"Old woman, if you do not tell us where we can find shrubberies, my *cough, cough* 'friends' and I will have to say…….NI!!"

"Aggghh!!!! NO!! NO SHRUBBERIES!!!"

"Ok, if you refuse to assist us voluntarily, then….NI!!"

"DO YOUR WORST!!!"

"NI! NI"

"NU!!" Prowl yelled. Everyone shot him a look.

"NII! Nii!!" Bumblebee said.

"ARRGGGGGGGGH!!! No shrubberies!! NEVER!!" Soundwave cried out.

"N!".

"NI!!"

"NIII!"

"NIIIIIII"

Soundwave was on the ground, moaning inhuman sounds and gasping, when another voice cut in.

"What are you doing?? Are you saying 'ni' to that old hag?" Barricade asked.

"Uhhh…yep." Optimus answered.

"Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say 'ni' at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land. Nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress at this period in history." Barricade said in a monotone voice

"Did you say something about a shrubbery??"

"Yes I did. I am a shrubber. Barry the Shrubber. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies."

"NI!!!!" Prowl cried out excitedly.

"No, NO!! Do not utter the words 'ni' at the shrubber!!! AGGGGHHH!!" Optimus cried out.  


* * *

Later...

Our heroes went and got their shrubbery and then brought it back to the Knights of Ni.

"Here is your shrubbery." Optimus said. "Now let us go!"

"Yes, it is a very nice shrubbery, but there is a small problem! We are no longer the Knights who say Ni. We are now the Knights who say … YAH PARTNER!"

"So," The head knight (BW Quickstrike) continued, "We must give y'all a test!"

"Knights who say…uh…Yah Partner, what is this test??"

"Y'all must find us…ANOTHER SHRUBBERY!!!"

"Not another shrubbery, no!"

"Yes another shrubbery! And you must put it slightly higher than this one, so we get the two level effect. And also, there should be a path down the middle!!"

"A path!! A path!! A path!!" The Knights who so recently said Ni screamed out.

"And after you do that, you have to cut down the largest tree in the forest…WITH A FLOUNDER!!!!"

Yuki responded with, "It cannot be done."

Suddenly, All the Knights who used to say 'Ni' groaned in pain.

The head knight then said, "DUDE! Don't say that word!"

"What word? What is it you speak of?"

They started making choking sounds.

"Hey look!! It's Cliffjumper!!" Bumblebee yelled.

"He's packing it in and packing it up, and sneaking away and buggering up, and chickening out. Yes, bravely, he is throwing in the sponge," the minstrel Brawn sang.

"Cliffjumper!!" Optimus called out to him. "What the slag are you doing here??"

"I don't know!! I was just walking through the forest…and here you are!! It's good to see you."

"AHHHH!! He's saying the word!!" The Knights of Ni cried out.

"You're not giving up your quest for the Holy Matrix, are you?" Bumblebee asked.

"He's sneaking away and buggering up-" Brawn the minstrel sang.

"SHUT UP!!! Umm, no of course I have not given up. Far from it."

"AHHH!! HE HAS SAID THE WORD AGAIN!!!" The Knights of Ni cried out.

"What is this word you speak of?" Arcee asked.

"We cannot say this word!! The Knights of Ni cannot hear this word!!!"

"Umm…o…k. Anyways. I have been looking for it." Cliffjumper said.

**"AHHHHH AHHHHH!!!!"** The Knights of Ni screamed.

"I've been looking for it here in this forest." Cliffjumper continued.

"AHHH!!! "

"No, Cliffjumper, it-"  
**  
"AAUUUUGGGGGGG!!!"**

"-Is far from this place" Optimus finished.

"STOP!! Stop saying the word!!!!" The Head Knight yelled out.

"Oh stop it!! Shut up!!"

"We cannot hear!! Stop saying the word! You said it again!!"

"Umm... lets go."

"Wait a nanoclick!!" the head knight called out. "I said it!!"

The entire group rode off.

"AHH I said it again!! And there again!! That's three times!!!!"

As the Knights of the Round Table rode off, they could hear the Knights of Ni dying in the background.

* * *

Me: Yo! The Author here. Welcome to the Author's commentary. Now, normally, I'd have some transformers bust in and complain, but hey, not anymore, baby!

Random Fan: Why not?

Me: Because of my new pet Xenomorph, Z-No!

Z-No: Hisssss.....

Me: In order to keep some kind of randomness in the air, I will now show you what happens when you make Brawl arrange flowers.  


* * *

Brawl: GOOD EVENING! First, take bunch of **PRETTY** FLOWERS, then, arrange them, _**NICELY**_, In a vase!  
_  
Brawl tries to stuff some flowers into a vase._

Brawl: GITIN! **_GET IN!_** OHHH!!!


	7. Chapter 7

* * *

As our heroes made their journey, it became winter. Due to the shortage of food, they were forced to eat Cliffjumper's minstrels. There was much rejoicing.

"Yay…" they all said in monotone, waving little hand flags.

"YEAH! ALL RIGHT!" Cliffjumper cheered, dancing around until Grimlock hit him on the head with his shield.

eventually, the winter months faded to the summer months. Summer turned to spring. Spring became winter. And we skipped spring and summer and went straight into fall.

"Dat makes no sense," Rattrap said.

Shut up!  


* * *

Meanwhile…at the crime scene of Primal's death…

Two police officers are talking to Mrs. Primal, comforting her and figuring out who did it. Another cop is putting Op. Primal's body in a body bag.

"HEY guys, I found another dead guy!" TM Cheetor yelled, carrying G1 Megatron on his back

"I'm not dead!" Megatron yelled.

Cheetor hit him in the head with a stick.

"Now you are," Cheetor said.  


* * *

The Knights of the Round Table rode on. Eventually, the came across a series of explosions. All of the Knights abruptly stopped.

"WHAT THE FRAG WAS THAT?!"

They watched a mech on top of a mountain blow himself up and then reappear in front of them.

"Who the frag is he?" Arcee asked.

" I am an enchanter!!" The enchanter said.

"And do you have a name??" Optimus asked.

"There are some who know me that call me... Mike" The enchanter answered.

"You know, I coulda swore your name was Michael Bay," Bumblebee said.

"Hello, Mike the Enchanter." Optimus said.

"Greetings, Optimus Prime!!!"

"And how on Cybertron could you possibly know my name?" Optimus asked him.

"I just do! And your quest is to seek the Holy Matrix!!"

"Yes, our quest is to find the Holy Matrix!"

"Yes, yes, it is!!" the Knights said.

"And, umm, we are looking for it."

Mike just looked at him thoughtfully.

"So…anything that you could do to help us…would be…helpful."

Mike made a couple of things explode.

"Ok, ok, I know you are very busy, but maybe you could help us find a-a-a-a-a-, oh slag what was it called??" said Jazz.

"A MATRIX???!!!" Mike screamed in a booming voice.

"Yes, a Matrix!! Do you know where we could find one??"

"Yes, I can help you find the Matrix!!!"

"... very well. I can take you... to the Cave of Awesomeness. But this cave is guarded by the most vicious creature!! No man or beast has ever faced it and lived! Bones, Metal, and Glass are strewn about its lair!! Death is waiting for you with big sharp, pointy teeth!! So if you are brave enough, I will take you to the cave."

"I thought it was named 'Caerbannog'" Bumblebee said.

"SHUT UP, RATTRAP!" Everyone yelled.

"That's Bumblebee!"

They went to the Cave of Caerbannog...

"Awesomeness." Mike corrected.

Shut up!

"AHHH!!! I'm being repressed!"  


* * *

Eventually, they got there.

"Whoo. That took longer then an Inuyasha story arc." Optimus commented.

Everyone looked at him and wondered, _What the Fail is he talking about?_

Both enchanters then spoke simultaneously. "This is the cave of Awesomeness."

Everyone looks nervous, wondering where the beast is hiding. Optimus turned to Bumblebee and said, "Bumblebee, keep me covered."

"With what?"

"... Just keep me covered."

But both enchanters yelled, "TOO LATE!"

Optimus hides, hoping the beast wouldn't see her. When she peaked out... she saw the cutest little bunny-rabbit ever. The white fur accented the Blue eyes.

Everyone looked at it in pure awe.

Grimlock then said, "So... where beast?"

Mike pointed at the rabbit.

Optimus then said, "It's behind the rabbit?"

"It IS the rabbit."

Optimus then yelled, "YOU MORONS! You got us all worked up over a rabbit!"

"B-but, this is no ordinary rabbit! This is one bad rodent!"

"You jerk! I wet myself because I was so scared!" Cliffjumper yelled.

Everyone looked at him, then scooted a little away.

"Wasp, chop his head off." Optimus ordered one of the knights, Waspinator.

Wasp, one of the new knights, looked around. "Me?" he asked, pointing to himself.

"No, the other Wasp…YES YOU!"

Wasp sighed, and picked up his shield. "Why Wazzzpinator get zlag partz?" He put on his helmet. "Wazzzpinator could play main rolezz. But author-"

"Just go get him!"

Wasp looked at the rabbit". The rabbit looked at him, as he walked out. The second he got close to him, the rabbit transformed in... TM2 Dinobot?!

"Why univerze hate Wazzzpinator?" Wasp asked himself before he died at Dinobot's claws.

"HOLY SLAG!" Optimus said.

"See?! See?! I warned you!" Mike said.

Optimus stood up and raised his sword in the air. "CHARGE!"

The band of knights ran out at the "rabbit".

"I am enjoying this part," Dino2 said.

The chaos erupted. In the end, all of the extra knights, except Arcee, who stayed with Mike, were dead, and the original 5 knights and king remained. Mike laughed at them and walked away.

"Great! We lost all of the other knights!" Ratchet said.

"We have to be careful, that rabbit thing is dynamite!" Bumblebee said.

"Why don't we just blast it?!" Prowl asked.

They all looked at each other.

"Why didn't we think of that before?!" Cliffjumper said.

They all brought out their guns, but the second they brought them out, they disappeared.

"HEY!" they all said in unison.

"Okay, now what?" Bumblebee asked.

"We have the Holy Hand Grenade," Jazz said.

"Yessss! The Holy Hand Grenade! Brother Rampage, bring the Holy Hand Grenade!"

ROTF Rampage, in his monk outfit, turns to them.

"Get your own Grenade!" he snapped.

Z-No growled at him, and Rampage relented, bringing a box with him. Father Mixmaster followed behind, with Brother Overload swinging those smoky things you see in church.

"Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domin-" the trio sang as they walked, in a REALLY bad tune.

Optimus opened the box that Rampage was carrying, and took out the Holy Hand Grenade, which is really one of Rattrap's bombs with a cross super glued to the top and painted gold.

"How does it work?" Optimus Prime asked, looking it over.

"And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--" Father Mixmaster said in monotone.

"Skip it," Brother Rampage said.

"NO! I wanna hear the foods!" Bumblebe said, his mouth watering. Everyone looked at him. "What?!"

Father Mixmaster shook his head and continued, in monotone. "And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'"

"Why do we have Decepticons as preachers?" Bumblebee asked sarcastically. Brother Mixmaster threw the book at his head.

"KNOCK IT OFF!" Optimus said, and pulled the pin. "One, two, FIVE!"

"Three!" the knights corrected.

"THREE!"

Pretty music plays as he throws the Holy Hand Grenade at Dino2, who was so bored, he began playing Solitare. He looked up just in time to see it coming.

"… Slag …" he stated before being blown to bits.  


* * *

The Police Men, who were searching for them, heard the explosion, and began to run in their direction.

"Hurry up, Lugnut!" Blitzwing yelled.  


* * *

Since the killer rabbit had been blown into a million pieces, the cave was now safe to enter. So they did. Brother Waspinator accompanied them. They walked inside the dark cave and looked on the walls.

"Hey! Look at this!!" Bumblebee yelled out to everyone.

"What is it??" Optimus Prime asked as he looked at the writings Bumblebee found on the wall.

"Oh, I don't know."

"Brother Wasp! Come over here and read this!!"

"Wait, wasn't Waspinator killed?"

"That was BW Waspinator. This is Animated Wasp."

Wasp read the words: "Here may be found the last words of Alpha Prime. The Holy Matrix may be found at the Castle of Arrrrrrrggggghhhh."

"What?"

"The Castle of Arrrrrrrggggghhhh."

"Um, what is that??"

"I think he must have died while writing it! I can still feel his fear!!!!"

"Oh come on!! If he was dying, he would have just said 'Arrrrrrrggggghhhh', not carved it!!"

"Well, perhaps he meant the Castle Camaaaaaaaaaggue." Prowl said.

"Hey, isn't there a Saint Auuuuves?" Arcee asked.

"That would be Saint Ives, yo." Jazz said.

"Maybe it was dictated." Ratchet theorized.

Optimus said, "Maybe."

"Ooooooo...."

"No, Prowl, ARGH. at the back of the throat."

"No! Look! Big, Scary Thing! What do you say when you're scared?!"

"... oh, that would be 'Ahhhh!! Monster!!'"

"Oh, Okay. AHHHH!! MONSTER!!"

They looked the direction Prowl was pointing. Actually, it was just a horribly inacurate cartoon of ROTF Devastator.

"Man, who drew THAT thing??" Bumblebee asked.

"My fault!" Rattrap replied.

"Shut up, Rattrap!" Primus yelled.

"DevastatARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!" were the last words of Wasp before he was eaten alive by Devastator.

Everyone else did the most sensible thing they could think of: "RUN AWAY!"

And Devastator gave chase. It was like something out of a cartoon, with chibi versions of everyone being chased by Devi.

"AHHH!!"

"It's just a cartoon!"

"Keep running!"

Then they ran a corner, then hid in a small cave until Devastator was surely past.

They thought they had lost Devastator. But no. It came running out from its hiding place and chased them some more.

Finally, they were run into a corner. As the beast lunged, Bumblebee yelled, "Arcee! I love you!"

"Bumblebee! I love you!" Arcee yelled.

"Me Grimlock like hot buns!"

just then, Devastator's animator, BW Dinobot, suffered a fatal spark attack. The Cartoon Peril was no more. The quest for the Holy Matrix could continue.  


* * *

Me: Yo! The Author here. Welcome to the Author's commentary.

Devastator: You made Devastator UGLY!

Michael Bay: I'm not an explosion-obsessed freak!!

Me: Have you SEEN your movies?

Michael Bay: I have! And they're awesome!

Me: Z-No?

Z-No: Bring in the OMGWTFBBQ-inizer!

Movie Starscream drags in a weird machine.

Michael Bay: Huh?

It projects an image of Tentacle Ratchet.

Michael Bay: AHHHH!!!!

Me: Well, that's all for this chapter! By the way, Micheal Bay, Please don't sue me. This is just a light-hearted jab at you, so don't take it as an offense. Tentacle Ratchet belongs to IllithAnthonar on DeviantART.


	8. Chapter 8

"There it is!" Ratchet said. "_**The Bridge of Death!**_"

"And the one-eyed nut-bag from scene 24," Arcee said. "What's he doing here?"

"That not Energon Shockblast! That G1 Shockwave!" Grimlock yelled.

"Shockblast, Shockwave, same difference!"

"Hey, this sign has instructions!" Bumblebee yelled, pointing to a sign.

"There are three things on the board." Optimus observed.

"What are they?"

"1. The Keeper asks The Victim Five Questions-"

"Three questions," Jazz corrected.

"-Three questions. 2. If Victim answers the five-"

"Three."

"-Three questions correctly, he may cross."

"And, if they are wrong?" Cliffjumper asked.

"3. If Victim is wrong, he/she are cast into the Gorge of Eternal Torture, where the Teletubbies live."

They all shuddered at the thought.

"Who goes first?" Arcee asked.

"Cliffjumper, you go first!" Optimus ordered.

"WHAT?! Um, I've got a better idea! How about Bumblebee goes?!" Cliffjumper suggested.

"No! Not Bee-Kun! Make Jazz do it instead." Arcee pleaded.

"Fine, he goes."

Jazz nodded, and walked over. Optimus Prime stopped him.

"Do NOT try to kill him! Just answer the slagging questions, okay?"

"Whatever," Jazz replied.

"We'll pray for you."

Jazz walked over to Shockwave.

"Stop!" Shockwave said, putting his hand up, and Jazz stopped in front of him. "Logic dictates I should just let you go, but I'm getting paid to say this: (*AHEM*) Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see."

"Yeah, whatever, just ask the questions, punk!"

"What…is your name?"

"Jazz, yo."

"What…is your quest?"

"To seek the Holy Matrix."

"What…is your favorite color?"

"Blue."

Shockwave nodded. "Alright, off you go."

Jazz nodded, and began crossing the bridge. The other knights looked on.

"That's easy!" Bumblebee said, and they all ran to Shockwave. Grimlock made it first.

"Stop! Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see."

"Just ask questions! Me Grimlock not afraid!"

"What…is your name?" Shockwave asked.

"Me Grimlock!"

"What…is your quest?"

"Me Grimlock seek Holy Matrix!"

"What…is the capital of Junkion?"

"…ME GRIMLOCK NOT KNOW THAT!"

With that, Grimlock was then hurled into the Gorge of Eternal Torture. The remaining bots swallowed hard, and Ratchet approached Shockwave.

"Stop! What…is your name?"

"Ratchet."

"What…is your quest?"

"I seek the Holy Matrix."

"What…is your LEAST favorite animal?"

"The squid."

"Why is it your least favorite animal?" Arcee asked.

"Blame my brother," Ratchet said, holding up a picture of Tentacle Ratchet.

Ratchet walked the bridge. Cliffjumper walked forward.

"Stop! What…is your name?"

"Cliffjumper..."

"What…is your quest?"

"I seek the Holy Disco Ball."

"…close enough…What…is your favorite color?"

"Blue…no! Green!"

Too late. Cliffjumper was then thrown into the Gorge of Eternal Torture. King Megatron stepped forward.

"Stop! What…is your name?"

"I am Optimus Prime, Leader of the Autobots."

"What…is your quest?"

"I seek the Holy Matrix."

"What…is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

"African or European?"

Shockwave paused. "I didn't know there's a difference…"

Shockwave was then thrown into the Gorge of Eternal Torture, and he screamed "SUBZEROGREYMON!!!! I HATE YOOOOOUUUUU!!!"

Prowl turned to Optimus. "How do you know so much about swallows?"

"When you're a king, you must know these things," Optimus answered.

"That, and it was in the script." Bumblebee added.

"Shut up!"

The two bots then proceeded to cross the bridge.  


* * *

INTERMISSION! *cue cheesy music and funky colors*

END INTERMISSION!  


* * *

"What was the point of that?" Prowl asked.

"It was in the movie," Arcee explained, "And besides, it's SubZero's fic. He could do whatever he wants with it."

When the bots reached the other side, Jazz, Ratchet, Grimlock, and Cliffjumper were waiting.

"Wait, weren't you two thrown into the gorge?!" Bumblebee asked.

"Yeah, but the author wanted to keep us," Cliffjumper explained.

"I even got an intelligence boost!" Grimlock said, "Wait, I now can tell there's a bunch of people watching this fic! Hey! The Name's Grimlock! ALRIGHT!!!"

Suddenly, the Technobots connected a helmet to Grimlock, combined, connected a hose on the helmet to Computron, drained his intelligence, de-combined, and walked off.

"HEY! YOU GET BACK HERE! ME GRIMLOCK TALKING TO YOU!" Grimlock yelled at them.

"Just go and find the Holy Matrix!" Primus yelled.

The robots then ran off to continue their quest.  


* * *

Me: Yo! The Author here. Welcome to the Author's commentary. So, guys, what do you think about this?

Bumblebee: ... that was the nicest thing ever...

Me: It'll get bad again!

Arcee: SLAG...  


* * *

So the Knights continued their quest. As they came to the top of a hill, they saw a dark silhouette looming in the distance.

"Hey, what is that??" Jazz asked.

"I don't know! We'll have to go closer to get a good look." Cliffjumper said.

As they got closer, they could see that it was a boat.

"Come on, lets go see what is in the boat!"

As they boarded...

"HALT!!!"

The knights turned... to find ANIMATED Shockwave behind them (True Colors version).

"Who would approach the Sea of Fate must answer me these questions twenty-eight!"

Everyone threw Shockwave into the Sea of Fate, then got on the boat and shoved off.  


* * *

Me: Yo! The Author here, again. Welcome to the Author's commentary, again. So, guys, what do you think about this?

Everyone: No comment...

Shockwave (Both versions): You killed me off! That is illogical!

* * *


	9. Chapter 9

Our heroes sailed across a channel and towards an island. There was a castle on the island.

"Look!! It's the Castle of Arrrrrrrggggghhhh!!" Jazz said.

"So, it does exist. Come on!! Let's get inside there so we can get the Holy Matrix!! It's supposed to be in there!" Optimus said.

The Autobots got out of the boat and started towards the castle doors when… They got hit by a piece of meat.

"You have been outwitted yet again!" Yelled Sideswipe.

Optimus started yelling curse words at the French before being bombarded by animals.

"This is getting ridiculous." Bumblebee noted.

Optimus was too busy shouting to notice it. Bumblebee then walked off, saying, "Prime, just ignore him."

"HAHAHAHAHA!!! You frothy fly-bitten clotpoles are WIMPS!!! SCAREDY CATS!!! HAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!" Sideswipe and his French comrades cried out at them as the Autobots walked away.

They ran across the channel this time, not even bothering to get on the boat.

"We are going back there and attacking them with force and courage and power they have never seen before!!" Optimus said.

"Yes, well that's very inspiring." Ratchet said sarcastically. "But they just slaughtered us back there. How are we supposed to defeat them??"

"Hmm, good question."

Just then, a huge army just appeared over the ridge of a nearby hill.

"Ok, I guess that is how we are going to defeat them." Jazz said.

The army approached the Autobots.

"ATTENTION!!" Optimus yelled. "The blood of many a valiant knight will be shed today. But we will not give up until every one of those French idiots lies dead!!! CHARGE!!!!!!"

The army started to charge towards the French castle of Arrrrrrrggggghhhh.

Suddenly, there were sirens and police cars drove up and cut off the charging army. Everyone stopped , dumbfounded. Op. Primal's wife, Mrs. Primal, stepped out of the police car and pointed at the Autobots.

"It's them! They're the ones we're looking for!!" she exclaimed.

"All right! Everyone calm down. You!! Drop all your weapons, put your hands on your head and step over to the police car!!! NOW!!" Barricade shouted at the Knights.

"Oh come on! We didn't do anything!! We're innocent!!" Jazz protested.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Don't worry, you'll fit right in at prison!!" Lugnut said.

"SLAG!" Bumblebee yelled.

Later, in Prison...

The Autobots were being kept in really damp, smelly cells. There was one more person in there with them, but, Jazz got very bored...

*thwack*

"MEOWR!"

*thwack*

"MEOWR! Ultra bad..."

"Can I hit him next?" Bumblebee asked Jazz. Jazz whacked Cheetor into the wall one more time, and he handed him to Bumblebee, who proceeded to hit him against the wall as well.

"Are we going to spend the rest of our life here?!" Ratchet asked.

"Me Grimlock Bored!"

SubZero, a white version of BW Megatron, came walking into the Prison area, with Z-No behind him. He stood right in front of their cell, and smiled.

"If you want to, but then the fic would never end, because you'd never find the Holy Matrix, noooo," He said.

"How do we get out?" Optimus asked.

"You just have to do what I tell you to get out."

"I'm afraid to ask...like what?" Arcee asked.

SubZero thought to himself, and smiled. "I'll give you a choice...you could either: Find another shrubbery for the Knights of Yah Pardner, watch a whole episode of Barney, or..." He smiled evilly, and looked at them, "One year of work in a new Fanfic I'm working on: Monty CyberPython's Flying Circus."

They all looked at each other.

"Um, well, would we get paid?" Optimus Prime asked.

"Yeah, I took that into account."

"Very well."

"Thanks! You guys can go!"

SubZero snapped his fingers, and Z-No ripped the bars from the concrete flooring.

The Autobots went running out of the Prison.

"Well, now we have to work in another fanfiction in which WE get humiliated." Bumblebee said.

"The Humiliation, it NEVER ends." Arcee added.

"I believe it is because of the tremendous amount of reviews this fanfiction gets." Grimlock said, "Er, I mean, Me Grimlock!"

The group remained quiet for a minute.

"Well, *ahem* off to the castle!" Optimus Prime ordered.

They went to the Castle of Arrrrrrrggggghhhh, and busted down the door.

"ALRIGHT! WHERE IS THE HOLY MATRIX?!" Optimus yelled.

"Heck, We dunno." Sideswipe said.

"Wait, weren't you french?"

"We play the whole french thing at trespassers."

"And why do you not know?"

"Well, we don't have THE Holy Matrix. We have a duplicate. The REAL one got turned into a grail. A HOLY Grail."

"... Aw, Shit."  


* * *

Optimus: NOW WE HAVE TO LOOK FOR A GRAIL?!

Me: Yep. Oh, and Review!

* * *


	10. Chapter 10

So, our Heroes went looking for the Holy Grail/Matrix. AGAIN.

Eventually, they found it... in aisle 7 of the TARGET in Kaon, for $0.75 .

"ALL THIS FOR A SEVENTY-FIVE CENT CUP! DAMMIT, PRIMUS! WHY?!" Bumblebee yelled.

"Oh, Shut up, Bumblebee." Jazz said.

Prowl grabbed the Holy Grail/Matrix and placed it on the conveyor belt. Arming the casheir was...

"Megatron?" Optimus asked.

"From Revenge of the Fallen?" Ratchet asked.

"Yep." ROTF Megs commented, "So, how can I service you today?"

"Yeah, We would like to purchase this cup," Bumblebee said.

"I see. A Holy Grail. Everybody wants one," Megatron commented, "That'll be $1.75."

"I thought it was only $0.75."

"... Did Starscream mess up the price gun AGAIN?!" Megatron yelled.

So, our heroes paid the cash, and galloped to the spot Primus contacted them at the last time. The great and holy one appeared in the clouds.

"Here's your cup!" Bumblebee yelled, throwing the Grail at Primus. Thankfully, it landed in Primus's hand.

"Thank you. You are now an example in these Dark Times. People will praise you in years to come."

"BAH! WE DON'T CARE!" Bumblebee yelled. Primus disappeared from the clouds.

A full minute later, Ironhide ran up the hill.

"Ah, man, Ai miss'd 'em!" He yelled. Primus appeared again.

"They went that way." He said, pointing North.

"Thanks" was Ironhide's response, before he ran off, still clapping the coconut halves together.  
_**  
The End... For now.**_  


* * *

Me: And Stay tuned for Monty CyberPython's Flying Circus!

Bumblebee: Oh God, NO!

Me: Oh, GOD, Yessss.

BW Megatron: That's my stick, Yesss. You start hating Techno-Organics and I'll sue.

* * *


End file.
